When It's Over
by LucyGoose
Summary: [Complete] Going in a different direction after Say Something. Another way our favorite couple could have gotten back together.


_When It's Over_

She wakes to the sound of rain violently hitting the open window. With a quiet groan, she gets up to close it, shuffling across the floor and wiping her eyes at the same time. Then she looks at her clock. She groans again, louder this time. Her alarm is going off in less than ten minutes.

_No use in going back to sleep._ She thinks as she stumbles to the bathroom to take a shower, pushing the thought out of her mind that she hasn't paid any attention to her alarm whatsoever over the past twenty years. But things are different now, she knows. She does things now that she never would have done before. Things have changed, and she hates it.

It's not just the alarm, its other things too. She finds herself eating a piece of fruit with her breakfast every so often. She cleaned her bathroom last week, which is a miracle within itself. Her employees are going to be paid on time this month, and her laundry is actually done. Sookie and Rory are worried about her, and they have told her this many times, but she just shrugs it off. She feels as if she can hardly function anymore. Things just _happen_, beyond her control. She no longer cares about anything, with the single exception of Rory. She doesn't care if she leaves the Inn at eleven at night, and then is back at six the next morning. It's not as if she has anything better to be doing. Not since-

_Damn._ She thinks as she stops mid-shampoo. _You can't keep thinking about him._ She tells herself this over and over, but it's no use. Once a deep cut is opened, the blood keeps gushing out with nothing to stop it, until you physically stop it yourself. And that's impossible to do, considering she avoids the diner whenever she can; she doesn't even walk down that street anymore. She can't bear to see him, or have him see her. She knows she looks terrible, even when her hair is done and her makeup is covering the tear tracks that she thought would be permanently embedded into her skin when she cried herself to sleep the night before.

No, this is a different kind of pain. She hopes that Luke knows that when they broke up, he had taken her heart, and that he was still carrying it around with him. _He'll be throwing it around his diner by now, playing catch with Kirk, because who else would be there at this god-for-saken hour? They'll be laughing and wearing those stupid blue ribbons, and whoever walks in next won't care, they'll join in and invite more people, and pretty soon the whole town will be-_

God, she was doing it again. She can't blame this all on Luke, and she knows that. She knows that it was her fault for going to Christopher's, and not telling Luke about it was probably the stupidest thing she could have done, and she knows stupid. Hell, she had gotten knocked up at sixteen. He hadn't really done anything. It's just hard for her. She says that she hopes that Luke is just as miserable as she is, but really, she just hopes he's okay.

But he was the one who had walked away, and she should hate him for that, but she can't bring herself to do so. She was willing to try to fix everything, and he just shut her out. That was what hurt the most. And she still loves him; she can't deny this any longer. It's sort of sad really, it has been almost a month, and she's still head over heels in love with Luke, this seeming to be ordinary guy. (She had never considered him to be that however, and would never admit to anything but the truth.) The worst of it was that she hadn't told him of her feelings when they were together, and what good would come of it now? But oh, how she regretted never telling him how she felt. "Maybe things would be different if you had told him," she whispers to herself when she steps out of the shower a few minutes later. But she knows that virtually nothing would change, she would still make an idiot out of herself, because that's what she does. She's Lorelai Gilmore, the living, breathing screw-up.

That's all she would ever be.

She hates feeling sorry for herself. It's the same thing as sinking so low that you can't even put your socks on in the morning. She hates that feeling of _woe is me_, except, of course, in a more up to date fashion. But its worse when she knows that this is self-inflicted pain. It's not Luke's fault, she's been over that again and again. It's her own fault. It kills her to think this, because who in their right mind would bring this upon themselves?

She goes down the stairs, to eat something, because Rory is coming again tonight, and will surely check the fridge for evidence that her mother has been eating, and since she didn't have dinner last night, or breakfast the day before, she has some catching up to do.

She is extremely surprised to see Luke, afore mentioned ex-boyfriend, at the stove, appearing to be cooking her breakfast. She pinches herself, thinking that this is a dream, like the one she had years before they were even together. That one had started with clocks going off, and this one started with rain pouring on her window. Both elements had very rudely woken her up. So it made sense, in a weird way. Yes, that's what this was, a dream. A very cruel dream.

Ah, well. She'll get back at the gods somehow.

She whispers his name anyway, because she just knows he'll answer, and if he says "good morning" or "I love you", she might just die, but it will be worth it because that means he'll be talking to her, and even if he doesn't mean it, she doesn't care. She'll have a chance to talk to him; make dream Luke understand, even if real Luke still hates her.

He turns to face her, and she is surprised that he isn't wearing the dream Luke expression. She's surprised to see that his face is set, determined. He's flipping the pancakes with such force that she thinks they might splatter and get her stove all gross, but it's not like she cares, because she never cooks anyway. _He's mad. _She realizes. _Mad at me? Why would dream Luke be mad at me?_

When he starts yelling at her for not eating, for not sleeping, for worrying the hell out of Rory, when she has finals coming up, and needs to be concentrating on her studying, when he starts ranting about the boat and the _Fiddler on the Roof _yelling math they had a few days ago, she realizes that he isn't dream Luke. He's real Luke, and he still hates her.

Then why is he in her kitchen? If he hates her so much, why is he in her kitchen, making her heavenly smelling pancakes- chocolate chip, she notices, her favorite, though she would really take anything right now, considering she's been eating stale Pop-Tarts for the past month- and hang on, isn't he supposed to be at the diner, making burnt burgers and other unidentifiable objects, of which she only knows about because Rory accidentally let it slip the other day, breaking the no-talking-about-Luke rule they have now, and...doesn't he have places to be, things to be doing? He should at least have something better to be doing than coming over to his ex-girlfriend's house, right? It still kills her to think of herself as his ex-girlfriend; she didn't think she would ever be that to him. Why would he come here? _Why are you here, Luke?_ She tries to ask him with her eyes, not wanting to disrupt his rant, because if he stops now, he may never talk to her again, and she doesn't think she would be able to live with that. But still, she wants to know. _Why are you here?_

She doesn't realize that she's said it out loud this time until he goes into another rant about how he knew she had to go to her parents' house tonight with Rory, and that he knew it was the first time since their vow renewal (she doesn't ask him how he knows this, though maybe she should) and he says he wants her to at least have had one proper meal today, because with all the yelling that would be for sure going on at the Gilmore household tonight, there's a very good chance that she wouldn't be eating anything there, and since she doesn't come to the diner for lunch anymore, God knows what she's eating, if she's even eating at all.

She supposes that the bottom line is that he still cares that she eats, that he still think they're friends, because otherwise she knows that he wouldn't let himself be able to walk right into her house (unless he's been drinking, but that doesn't seem like the case here), that she still cares about Rory, and by extension, her (even though it hurts to think about him still caring about her, because _care_ is not _love_ and damn it, can't anyone see that what she wants from this man is _love_?)

She just nods and pours herself a cup of coffee, missing the surprised expression on his face. He stutters when he asks her if she's just going to let him stay at her house, cook her breakfast, and make her coffee. She's not surprised that he's asking this, because a few short days ago she would have kicked him out the minute she saw him, would have asked him what the hell was he doing in her kitchen, but she realizes that she's not mad at him anymore. She never was mad at him really, just confused and she wishes that he would make her not so confused, but she knows that that won't happen now and decides to accept it, and even though it hurts to have him in her house, it kills her to have him so near, she thinks that not seeing him ever again would be so much worse.

It's somewhat weird, she reflects, to be eating Luke's food, which, by the way, is actually food, not that burnt stuff that everyone else has to eat (When she's feeling better, she'll tell everyone that she and she alone got _real_ Luke's Diner food, and they'll all wish they were her again). It's awkward, but in a way, nice. For a second, she lets herself believe that things are okay again, but then she snaps back to reality and realizes, sadly, things will always be different between her and Luke now.

She wonders what Rory would say if she could see her. Sitting with Luke at the kitchen table, trying to make small talk, because silence for Lorelai is very difficult, always has and always will be, no matter what the circumstance may be. She asks Luke how the diner is going, if he's heard from Jess or Liz or T.J. lately, and a few other things, and he politely asks about Rory, and the inn. They're both tentative about the subjects they choose to bring up, and are extra careful not to ask about the boat, because of the incident that happened just a few days ago. Lorelai can't hide the fact that she really, really doesn't want Luke to leave. As childish as it sounds, she really doesn't care if Luke hates her or not, she just wants him here, because just his presence gives her hope. Hope for what, she's not quite sure. But just that he's here, with her, is comforting.

She's so in love with him that it's a little sad.

The phone rings, then, and she jumps up to get it, thinking that it's Rory, because the two of them were talking last night and never really did finish their conversation. She hates that she's so eager to get out of there, away from Luke, but she can't help it. The tension in there is almost too much to bear.

When she answers the phone, it's not Rory; it's Emily, and who says that she was calling to see if Lorelai was coming tonight.

Lorelai thinks it's interesting that her mother feels the need to call her at 7:18 in the morning, but she doesn't comment on that, she simply sighs and says, "Yes, I'm coming to dinner tonight," She's unconsciously biting her nails as she speaks, because she is sure that her mother is up to something.

"Good," Emily says coldly. "We'll set a place for you at the table then,"

"Good," Lorelai says in the same manner; cold, stony.

"Would you like to sit next to Rory or Christopher? Or the both of them could sit on one side, and you could sit on the other, but then-," Emily never does get to finish her thought, because Lorelai interrupts.

"Why would Christopher be there?" Lorelai asks, startled, forgetting that Luke is in the next room and that Christopher is a very touchy subject right now.

"Well, I invited him, of course,"

_Why_ on _earth_ would you _invite Christopher?_" Lorelai asks, fuming now. Her face is probably red, and she knows that her voice is shaking from anger. She doesn't see Luke rise from the table, and come stand in the doorway to watch her. He probably wants to make sure that she really is mad that Christopher is going to be there.

"Lorelai, really, is it necessary to yell? I simply invited him because he is Rory's father,"

"Yeah, that's your excuse for everything now, isn't it?" Lorelai asks, still yelling.

"Lorelai, please,"

"Mom, you know that I can't _stand _the sight of him right now, and then you just go on and _invite_ him behind my back! Probably to spite me, but you know what? I don't care. I'm _not_ coming tonight,"

Emily probably saw this coming, and says, "Well what about Rory?"

"What about Rory?" Lorelai says, dodging the question because she knows that she can't let Rory go to dinner without her, the poor girl will stand there listening to her mom and Luke being criticized, and she will try to stand up for them, but without Lorelai there, damn it, that kid will be brainwashed, and even though she won't try to be, Emily and Richard will get through to her, Lorelai knows they will.

Emily sighs pointedly. "Is she coming?"

Lorelai doesn't know what to say, she knows that Rory can't go, but she also can't not go, and what she doesn't realized is that Luke is watching her have this internal battle with herself, until she sees him out of the corner of her eye, and jumps, obviously not knowing that he was there. "Mom, I'll call you back,"

"What?"

"I'm going to have to call you back later," she says through her teeth.

"No, you most certainly are not! We're in the middle of a conversation here!"

"Goodbye, Mother," Lorelai says with a hint of defeat in her voice.

"Lorelai!" Emily exclaims, but Lorelai doesn't hear her, she's already hung up the phone, and now she's looking at Luke, and this is the first time that she sees him, really sees him, and knows that he's been doing just as terribly as her. She gives him a sad smile, and wishes he would give her one back, because it's been so long since she's seen him smile, far too long. He doesn't smile back, but instead accepts her invitation to sit on the couch with her.

She just stares at him for who knows how long, it could have been a few minutes, or it could have been an hour, and she's feeling like a shy school girl. Finally she says, "Sorry you had to hear about...you know. I know he's a touchy subject,"

"For both of us," he says softly, and she has another wave of affection for him, and oh God, it's too much, and she needs to do something with it, because otherwise she's going to kiss him, and then for sure he'll walk out and she'll never see him again, and she's so scared in this moment, because she loves him, she can't help it, but she doesn't know what to do with that.

"For both of us," she agrees, and looks in his eyes, sort of a bad idea, because she's always been a sucker for a man's eyes, and now that she's seen his again up close, she needs to kiss him, or she'll explode, and then what will Rory do, she's won't have mother, and...

She leans in, and is only surprised to feel him leaning in too. Their lips are millimeters apart, when she comes back to reality and whispers, "Luke,"

He looks up, and oh God, why did she do that, she needed him to kiss her. But to her surprise, he doesn't back away, he's still holding her close, somehow she's sitting in his lap now, and she thinks she tells him that she needs him, but she's not sure if it's just in her mind or if she's actually said it out loud. It probably doesn't matter, because she knows that it's obvious to him that she's been desperate for him and that she's missed him, and they lean in to kiss again and they're _so close_ and then there's a terrible knocking on that door that rouses them again, and Lorelai groans, hoping that whoever it is will just go away. She thinks that it's just someone like Babbette who ran out of a toothpaste again and need to borrow some of Lorelai's, because they use the same kind, and she runs to the door after the knocking continues and ells, "Babbette, get your own toothpaste!" and opens it, and takes a few steps back when it's not Babbette.

It's Emily, and she's furious that her daughter hung up on her, and also for being mistaken for some Babbette person that clearly has a hygiene problem. She sees her daughter in the doorway, looking flustered, she sees that Lorelai's eyes are excited, like something wonderful has happened, and then she has a realization. "Who's the guy?" she asks accusingly.

"W-what?" Lorelai asks, taking a few more steps back from the doorway, and still not letting Emily into her house. "I don't know what you're talking about,"

"I asked, _who's the guy?_"

Luke is still sitting in the other room, and he's just realized that it's Lorelai's mother, and even though Emily hates him, he doesn't care, and part of it is that he needs to be close to Lorelai again, because he never got to kiss her, and part of it is the hatred that he has for Emily, but he knows he needs to go out there.

When Emily sees him approach, she almost has a heart attack. "You're here with-?"

Lorelai is angry about her mother's reaction to Luke being there, mostly because Emily can't even bring herself to say Luke's name, like it's dirty, like it's a bad word, and she almost starts to explain why he's here, that he was just making her breakfast, and that they're just friends, and Mom, you shouldn't have such a problem with this, I'm not romantically involved with Luke, you won, congratulations, okay? But then she realizes that she's not going to explain herself to her mother, and she could be having sex with Luke, she can do whatever she wants with Luke, and it still wouldn't be any of Emily's business.

Emily mutters, "Well, I see why you had to get off of the phone now,"

"No, Mrs. Gilmore, it was just- we were just-," Luke tries to explain, and bless him, he's such an angel, she thinks, for trying to stand up for her, but she needs him to know that this is her battle, this is her and Emily's thing, and it started twenty years ago, and damn it, it can't go on forever. She needs to put an end to it now.

"I know perfectly well what the two of you were doing, thank you, Luke," Emily says, her voice firm and unforgiving.

"No you don't!" Lorelai exclaims, and her voice is so high pitched that it startles herself, and Luke too, he's never seen her like this, and she wishes she could just stop talking, but she can't, she can't stop the flow of words coming out of her mouth. "Mom, you have no right coming over here, and accusing me and Luke of doing whatever you think we were doing, because you have absolutely no proof, and maybe, maybe Luke is just here because he's my friend, and you don't know why I had to get off the phone, maybe it was because my- my phone died, okay? Or maybe my dishwasher exploded! You don't know!"

"Did your dishwasher explode?" Emily asks, in the midst of all this.

"No, it's didn't," Lorelai says defensively.

"Then what is your point? And make it quick, because I have to be at my hair appointment in," Emily pauses to check her watch. "Thirteen minutes,"

"That's great mom, that's just great," Lorelai says, still in a blind rage. "You come over here to yell at me, and then you go to get your hair done? You really are so predictable,"

"I wanted to know if Rory was coming tonight or not," Emily says, like that's a perfectly good reason to come gallivanting into someone's house before eight o'clock in the morning.

Lorelai scoffs. "She's not coming,"

"Well," Emily pauses to clear her throat. "Christopher will certainly be disappointed,"

"Christopher can go to hell for all I care!" Lorelai exclaims.

"Lorelai!" Emily says, aghast.

"You can tell him that too!" Lorelai is practically screaming now, her voice is scarily high pitched, and all Luke wants is to put his arms out, to hold her, but he's afraid she'll start yelling at him too. "You can tell him that in the middle of your 'funny stories about Lorelai' time at dinner tonight!"

"We don't have a 'funny stories about Lorelai' time!"

"Go, Mom,"

"Excuse me?"

"Go. And just stay away from the people I love, okay?" The last part comes out in a whisper. And Emily is surprised that Lorelai even said it al all.

"I'll do no such thing! Rory is my granddaughter,"

"Stay away from Rory, and stay away from Luke," Lorelai pleads. Her mother gives a _harrumph_ as she walks out the door, and Lorelai realizes that she's just told Luke that she loves him in an inadvertent way, and she wonders if he noticed.

She doesn't realize that she's crying, until Luke pulls her into a tight hug, and so she decides that if he heard her say she loved him, he must be okay with it, and it feels so good to be in his arms again, and she wonders if he's thinking the same thing. She decides not to push it by talking, she doesn't want to ruin it, and so she stays there a little while longer, and suddenly his eyes are on hers again and he's cupping her face in his hands and kissing her, and they kiss for a long long time, only pulling away to catch their breath, and she's smiling, and he's smiling, and he tells her he loves her too before kissing her again. And she thinks she might be flying.

------

When Rory comes home fourteen hours later, she finds her mother and Luke lying on the couch (thankfully still clothed), asleep, with Luke's arms tightly around her mom's waist, and with her mom looking happier than Rory's seen her in weeks. Rory grins, finds a blanket and wraps it around them, not failing to notice the faint smiles on both of their faces. She quietly goes to her room, thinking that Lorelai is going to have a lot of explaining to do tomorrow.


End file.
